Stolen Sentences

So for my creative writing class we have this assignment called "Stolen Sentences". Basically we're graded on our evesdropping skills. If I hear a good sentence, I write it down. So I thought I'd share some with you. Anonymity has been kept in part to protect privacy, and another part because I can't remember half of them.

"Spanish is now a religion"
"So the plan is you come up with all the ideas and the other guys just try to make it work?"
"I'm trying to get something out of me, and it will be blue!" (the kid was about three, so I don't think even he knows what he was trying to say)
"I forgot last night when I was sleeping"
"You won't get in trouble, it's your birthday" (so apparently on your birthday you can get away with anything)
"Any excuse to hit Nephi is a good excuse"
"I think most Scottish foods were dares made by inebriated Scottish men"
"Don't listen to me it's just the Gospel according to Luke. Wait, there's already one of those..."
"I've had too many experiences not to worry"
"That's dumb. O well, I don't judge. O wait, I just did"
"I've neglected them all for the sake of the garage and the shed and the dirt"
"I thought she hated me but now she's all excited to see me. I'm scared"
"Whenever you get on the top bunk I have the irrational fear that the board's gonna snap" "I don't know if that's irrational..."
"Don't try to date him, he's thirty"
"Before you freak out, his name is collin"
"It's a problem cuz I'm either short or I'm slow" (girl wearing high heels)
"They need to make a BYU class on 'how to speak girl'"
"Procrastination doesn't matter in eternity!"
"If I gave you a piece of crap for free, would you take it? Cuz that's what you got"
"Don't die or let anyone else"
"Even brother donaldson could eat it!" (tyler talking about this play-dough type toy at work)
"Everything is easier in a dream"
"It's an 8 o'clock class, so I'm the only one there. Everyone else is asleep"
"Anatomy is cool because while you're looking at the muscles you can grab yours and say 'Hey, I have one of those'"
"You made me lunch AND dinner? You're like my wife" "Yeah, just don't be expecting a goodnight kiss or anything"
"She headbutted my spine!"
"How'd your DNA turn out?"
"You do more things on accident than you do on purpose."
"I'm not really a reader, it makes you feel human emotion."
"I'm glad my boredom pleases you"
"Five guys driving up a secluded mountain, listening to classical music. This car ride just got very awkward."
"If I can find the source of the yelling, it will stop."
"Do you consider where you're from to be pretty Canadian?" "umm, it's Canada"
"It's easier for the pretty girl to get the silly boy than it is for the silly boy to get the pretty girl"
"It's a fountain of youth at every green light"
"Times have changed and they're less fun"

Hope you enjoyed, even the ones that were more thought provoking than funny

Haikus

I figured I wanted to start putting on some of the things I've started writing. We recently had to write haikus in my creative writing class, so here you go. I know some of them aren't too specific on the syllable count, but who cares? My teacher didn't.

Nothing but chaos

But within it all, a pause

As old friends meet again

Incessant ramblings

I am bored out of my mind

When will I get out?

My hands are shaking

In my mind the question comes

How do I make her mine?

Falling asleep

In the middle of the day

Time to take a nap

Too many boxes

Not enough space for them all

What do we do now?

Her precious laughter

Makes my whole day better

Homework can wait

Smell of summer rain

Brings peace to my troubled soul

But pain lingers still.

I'm planning on soon putting up a story (in pieces) so I look forward to any feedback people have.

How to speak girl

My friend and I were talking last night how BYU needs to teach a class on "How to speak girl". The following story will explain why. He wanted to ask a girl out, so he texted her (yes, I know that is generally frowned upon, but that's his method) and asked "What are you doing Friday night?"
    If you are not a guy, this in fact means "I'm going to ask you out pretty soon but I want to see if you're going to be able to go first before I risk it." To which she answers, "I'm going shopping with my sister," We're both left not knowing what that means. I mean more than the fact that she's going shopping. Does that mean  "I'm too busy to go with you that night, or ever for that matter", or is it "Alas! I have some plans I am not able to cancel! Mayaps another day, my love," or does it mean "I kinda have plans but they might be open to change,"? Way too complicated for us (or maybe we're just overthinking this, also a possibility). The conversation between them continued, and so he still asked her out for Friday, figuring he could see if she might be willing to change her plans. She ended up accepting and now they're set up to go out this Friday (so apparently "I'm going shopping with my sister," means "try harder, stupid". Good to know. I'm going to make a dictionary of this kind of stuff, it'll sell millions.